‘May 5th will be a day to remember,’ said Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg. ‘It will be great to see the entire nation coming together to rejoice at this historic moment. At last people are beginning to see just how exciting the subject of voting reform can be.’
‘Everyone around here is looking forward to the big day,’ said one street party organiser, Mrs Maureen Grebe of Haslemere. ‘All we can talk about are the relative merits of First Past the Post versus the Alternative Vote and the psephological impact on the key marginals. We haven’t had this much fun since The Maastricht Treaty Wine and Cheese Party.’
Souvenir companies are already reporting massive sales of Referendum Day merchandise including electoral reform plates decorated with the grinning face of AV supporter Kriss Akabusi and a set of limited edition First Past the Post-It Notes to remind people to vote No. However, the biggest sales are for a commemorative ‘Say Yes to AV’ tea towel imprinted either side with the two faces of Nick Clegg.
‘This promises to be a truly historic day,’ said one man who has already pitched his tent outside the polling station. ‘In the future I will be able to tell my grandchildren that I was there when the decision was made to alter or not alter the voting system in such a way that all future election results might be ever so slightly different, but not so much that anyone would notice.’
‘To think of all those people singing and dancing in the street over voting reform brings a tear to my eye,’ said Nick Clegg, wearing a yellow paper hat and honking his party blower. ‘It makes all my broken pledges, backroom deals and miserable little compromises worth it. In fact, I imagine a lot of people will be having so much fun at their street party that they may completely forget to cast their vote in the referendum – but I guess that’s what democracy is all about.’