The motives behind Buckingham Palace’s enthusiasm for a ‘traditional, old-fashioned wedding’ for Prince William became apparent today when it was explained that this meant that Kate Middleton’s father would have to pay for the entire event.
‘We are talking tens of millions here’ said BBC Royal Correspondent Nicholas Witchell. ‘Apparently, the in-laws met up months ago, and Prince Philip kept re-iterating how traditional the arrangements should be. Mr and Mrs Middleton kept politely agreeing, without realising exactly what they were letting themselves in for.’
Mr Middleton has already been sent the bill for the booking of Westminster Abbey, the cost of hiring the royal coach and footmen, and the deposit for the caterers doing the banquet at Buckingham Palace. ‘Once he gets the vodka bill from the Off License for Prince Harry and his mates, he should be officially bankrupt.’
The anticipated high cost of the Royal Wedding has led Mr and Mrs Middleton to make a few late changes to the plans. Instead of a Royal Carriage, Kate will be driven to the Abbey in her mother’s Honda Jazz, with royal footmen attempting to stand on the back bumper while clinging to the roof rack. The invites to world leaders and assorted dignitaries now say ‘Bring a bottle’ and the banquet for a thousand guests has been scaled down to a few bowls of Doritos to be left on tables around the reception.
‘It will still be a very special day…’ said the bride’s father, ‘and we are raising a few extra pennies where we can to pay for it. You’d be amazed at the bidding on eBay for Diana’s engagement ring.’