NewsBiscuit

‘I started clapping when the elite women frontrunners went past this morning and haven’t stopped since.’

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Posted: Apr 17th, 2011
More from News In Brief

The Royal Mail has announced today that it is to extend its range of delivery services into the midwifery sector.

‘From next week postmen and women will be delighted to provide ‘home-birthing’ to expectant couples by delivering their newborn child direct to their door at any time between 9am and 3pm,’ said Moya Greene, Chief Executive of the Royal Mail Group. ‘But not on Sundays or bank holidays – and if they’re out when we call, we’ll leave the kid with a neighbour for safe-keeping.’

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Posted: Apr 16th, 2011
More from Business

‘Picking up turds off the ground, especially ones you didn’t do yourself, is never going to be a glamorous job,’ said the SAS’s commercial director, Andy McNab. ‘But when you’re carrying an SAS-branded poo bag, people might see you in a different light.’

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Posted: Apr 16th, 2011
More from News In Brief

A troubled writer of supernatural tales has confounded his fans by returning from his sojourn in an isolated New England backwater not only with a fresh and healthy outlook on life, but also a fully completed first draft of his latest novel.

Master of the macabre Stephen K Torrance, a recovering alcoholic who has recently suffered a string of personal tragedies, checked in at a deserted out-of-season hotel over a month ago, in the hope that the solitude would help combat a crippling bout of writer’s block. ‘It was my hope that the oppressive snow-bound isolation would get the creative juices flowing. And the Bates Motel looked so nice in the brochure.’

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Posted: Apr 15th, 2011
More from Arts/Entertainment

After several weeks of NATO-led fighting in Libya, Colonel Gaddafi finally stood down today after being buttonholed on a walkabout by Rochdale pensioner Gillian Duffy.

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Posted: Apr 15th, 2011
More from News In Brief