Warning over Olympic travel chaos as thousands book flights out

A report out today warned of impending chaos during the 2012 Olympic games, with airports jammed with people desperate to escape the tedium of saturation coverage of ‘12-bore Yachting’ and ‘Welterweight Drug-taking’.

‘This could cause significant traffic problems around Heathrow and Gatwick airports,’ the report said, ‘as people realise that their favourite programmes won’t be on for a fortnight, and that there is absolutely no escape from the pain of watching British athletes fail spectacularly, and then have to listen to Gary Lineker, who has suddenly become a world authority on everything, try to make the most of Tom Daley falling off the diving board, and Chris Hoy getting a puncture on his bike.’

‘Still, I am totally confident that Victoria Pendleton will win a cabinet full of medals, and will be the undoubted queen of the games… possibly. Either way it is suggested that you catch the earliest plane to somewhere that you won’t hear about the Olympics – like a certain cave in Afghanistan.’

John Wiltshire

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Posted: May 3rd, 2011 by

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