With the long anticipated switchover from flares and bell-bottoms to the more up-to-date drainpipe scheduled for tomorrow, residents of the Isle of Wight have only a few hours before their current trousers become obsolete, local officials are warning.
‘T-Day is upon us,’ town crier and sartorial policy maker Marvin Burridge told a torch-bearing mob. ‘Failure to change over in a timely manner will result in a noticeable degradation in your street-cred. To put it simply you might not be able to receive all the compliments about your fashion sense that you are used to.’
Critics have accused the authorities of acting too quickly, arguing that the island’s two-legged heritage is at stake. ‘The elderly and vulnerable have not been given enough time and information,’ claimed one anti-switch campaigner. ‘Some folks are still doddering around in their demob suits – to them the sight of a person wearing a stonewashed jeans and a T-shirt under their jacket is enough to cause severe palpitations at the very least.’ With this in mind, the council has also pledged to listen to local concerns and have pledged to stop short at introducing day-glo socks, while mullets will be optional.