The death of Al-Qaeda leader and enemy number one of the West, Osama bin Laden, was today confirmed by Al-Qaeda leader and enemy number one of the West, Osama bin Laden.
Speaking from a much nicer, more spacious and secure compound in the suburbs of Karachi which has previously been used as a holiday home by Pakistani Ex-President Musharraf, bin Laden said, ‘They whooped ma hide reeeal good, ain’t no mistake!’
Any remaining doubt over the demise of the terrorist supporters called ‘the master’ has now been dispelled and bin Laden himself acknowledged that the world was entering a new phase ‘now that I’m no longer walking on this earth, pfft!’ and that the problems of America are over, ‘like, d’uh!, sersly?’
Bin Laden intends to spend his remaining years of death at last being able to enjoy the view from his balcony looking out to the sea in which he’s buried, meeting with mysterious friends he referred to only as Elvis, Marilyn, and Lucan the footman (with some justification), and sending the odd audio-taped comment or two into a radio talk show on Al-Jazeera, just to give them something to keep their spirits up, what with ‘Syria going a bit wrong for them, and all that’.
But contrary to any suggestion that his long final years of death and decline would be anti-climactic compared to his busy, exciting youth and career as a CIA-funded Mujahadeen and international superstar terrorist, bin Laden philosophically looked to the next week and the surprises a munificent Allah had bestowed, saying how he was looking forward very much to ‘talking things over with Muammar Gaddafi, just as soon as he moves in next door.’