Clark Kent has admitted that he went to the High Court and obtained a so-called ‘Super-injunction’ in order to keep his identity secret. The revelation is particularly embarrassing as Mr Kent works as a mild-mannered reporter for the Daily Planet which had been campaigning for an end to the use of the law courts to protect celebrities from prying newspapers.
‘Yes, the rumours about me being Superman are true,’ admitted Kent. ‘I only wish I had some sort of power to stop the story getting out. But the ability to fly and lift up trucks and see through solid steel is no match for Twitter.’
Kent, originally from Smallville, Kansas, admitted that it was becoming difficult for him as a journalist to question Metropolis celebrities while he himself had gone to court to stop people revealing that he was actually a superhero from the Planet Krypton.
‘I’d be interviewing innocent, upstanding celebrities like, say, a Top Gear presenter, TV chef or one of the stars of Downton Abbey, when all the time I was hiding this dark secret that I had used the law courts to keep my own secret out of the newspapers. I thought, if these people don’t do it, then why should I?’
The so-called ‘Superman-injunction’ prevented the media from even reporting that there had been an original court injunction, and is said to have incredible powers similar to those of Clark Kent’s alter ego. It can make celebrities seem like quiet, upstanding citizens, disguising their real identities as sexual superheroes capable of breath-taking acts about which ordinary people can only fantasize.
‘I feel so relieved now that the Superman-injunction is out in the open and I am no longer living a lie,’ admitted Clark Kent in a Daily Planet interview. ‘In fact things would be perfect if only I hadn’t discovered that Lois Lane was shagging Ryan Giggs.’