Security in and around the new 2012 Olympic stadium in Stratford, East London, has been stepped up today after fears of an increase in white elephant poaching were confirmed following the discovery of the butchered corpse of the Millennium Dome.
Wardens, who discovered the slaughtered structure while patrolling the Greenwich peninsula in South East London, believe that poachers tracked and shot the Millennium Dome in the early hours of this morning. ‘By the time we got there it was too late,’ lamented head warden Trevor McCormac, ‘she’d obviously been hacked up and was left to lie there, haemorrhaging money – it’s barbaric.’
The White Elephant (Carbunculus Expensiveii) and its cousins the Vanity Project and the common or garden Folly have roamed Britain for thousands of years. From the Liverpool Ferry Terminal to the Cambridgeshire Guided Busway, these magnificent institutions have lumbered across the country, casually consuming tax-payers’ money and fearing only the predations of the government auditor.
McCormac is confident that his team will be able to keep the Olympic Stadium, Britain’s newest arrival in the white elephant family, safe from harm: ‘the Olympic Park is fast becoming home to a veritable herd of white elephants and we are dedicated to protecting them – a ten-million pound overspend and a crippling completion penalty cause notwithstanding.’