After the recent spate of super-injunctions served on the media by wealthy celebrities keen to conceal their indiscretions, their C-list colleagues have found themselves priced out of the market. With a reported cost of £100,000, only the richest miscreants and philanderers can afford them. But a number of supermarket chains including Tesco and Lidl have now introduced the cut-price super-saver injunction for celebrities who, while less well-off, are equally keen to prevent their misdemeanours becoming common knowledge.
Sainsburys meanwhile have upped the competition with their new promotion; ‘Buy one super-injunction, get one free,’ while ASDA’s super-injunction price guarantee promises their legal gags will not be beaten on price anywhere – guaranteed!
Even cheaper than the supermarkets are a number of specialist new providers such as easyInjunctions and the web-only wefightanycause.com. Both companies admit that their super-saver injunction is probably not worth the paper it’s written on. ‘But what else are our clients going to do? They can’t afford a proper one,’ says Brian Stubbs from Sir Stelios Haji-Ioannou’s newest spin-off. ‘We admit right from the get-go that we don’t have any trained legal professionals on board, but we have spent the last two weeks scouring the internet for clues on how these things are served.’
Stubbs continued, ‘It may seem counter-intuitive, but it turns out most of those who come to us are actually trying to increase their profile. Once the online gossip machines start spreading rumours about the possible identities of those concerned, we’ve found these super-injunctions can do wonders for the previously irrelevant or long-forgotten Z-lister.’