After careful study of centuries of failed prophecies, a group of scientists has concluded that the final false prediction of the apocalypse will be made on August 12th, 2015. The London-based scientists claim that all the evidence points to that particular date as the day when an Age of Reason will finally dawn. “By that time even the most stupid, red-necked Texan Bible Basher will have realised that the end of the world is simply not going to happen,” claimed Professor George Edwards.
But sceptics have already cast doubt on the claim. “We’ve heard this sort of thing so many times before,” said Pastor Billy Ranter. “After Judgement Day failed to happen in 1984, they said that folks like me would realise how utterly, totally, wrong we were – and yet just two years later, I made another prediction that the world was going to end on January 1st 2000.”
Atheists too were quick to pour scorn on the latest claim. “I and my followers are confident that there will still be gullible idiots making bonkers predictions about Armageddon long after 2015 has been and gone,” said Susan Harris of the Humanist Society.
Meanwhile in America, the Reverend Harold Camping was coming to terms with his latest failed prophecy. As the May 21 deadline for the Rapture came and went without incident – apart from the beaching of one pilot whale in the Outer Hebrides – Reverend Camping said “Okay, so I got it wrong. It’s not the end of the world.”