NewsBiscuit

The news before it happens…

Archive for June, 2011

Obese hurdler finds faith in God no substitute for training and talent

‘What with praying eight hours a day, I didn’t really have the time to train. And there was the eating. Athletes need to take on board a lot of calories.’

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Posted: Jun 30th, 2011
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Parents to be Ofsted inspected during teachers’ strike

Homes that are deemed to be failing will be offered the opportunity to become ‘academies’.

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Posted: Jun 30th, 2011
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Use a big plank with a nail in it, advises Ken Clarke on self-defence law

you might as well kill them, kill them all!Justice Secretary Ken Clarke has said that knifing a robber in the vitals will no longer be a criminal offence under the law of self-defence in England.

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Posted: Jun 29th, 2011
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Touring caravan drivers voted ‘most popular road users’

‘Those surveyed agreed that drivers who tow caravans are most likely to stick to the speed limit or way below it,’ said a spokesman for the AA.

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Posted: Jun 29th, 2011
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Man convinced mentally unstable girlfriend just ‘quirky’

‘She just has her own style, that’s all,’ said Gary, visibly shaking after his girlfriend screamed at him that he was ‘a fucking failure’ and had ‘ruined’ their lives for forgetting to buy cabbage.

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Posted: Jun 29th, 2011
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