Experts are celebrating a major breakthrough in modern dating after Suzanne Roberts, a single woman from Nottingham, met and fell for a man she conceded was ‘not conventionally attractive,’ but did possess a great sense of humour. It is thought to be the first time that the theory that women prioritise a GSOH in finding a life partner has been found to work in practice.
‘I joined an online dating site and listed my criteria as a good sense of humour and caring nature,’ said the pretty 28-year-old brunette. ‘Almost immediately I was paired with Alan, who described himself on his profile as a 34-year-old man with ‘an encyclopaedic knowledge of Monty Python’ and who also ‘works part-time in the local Sue Ryder shop as a condition of receiving Jobseeker’s Allowance’. I knew immediately he was the one for me.’
The pair agreed to date after a string of emails in which Alan wooed the successful doctor with lengthy verbatim extracts from the films The Meaning of Life, The Life of Brian, and on one notable and spontaneous occasion, The Jabberwocky. Meeting ahead of a date to see cult movie the Time Bandits, the couple instantly hit it off and shared stories of the challenges of introducing modern surgical techniques in an underfunded NHS, while agreeing that it was unreasonable of Alan’s mother to charge him quite so much rent for living in the bedroom that has been rightfully his for the past three decades.
Suzanne was also struck that there was more to Alan than a razor-sharp wit. ‘I knew he was a real joker, but he does have a serious side,’ she explained. ‘For example, it turns out he wasn’t kidding in his emails about fitting into children’s clothes and having two lazy eyes and a hump, but it’s about so much more than appearances. Between you and me, he could easily have laughed me into bed halfway through his ten-minute monologue about the old Pearl & Dean music.’
Suzanne later confided to close friends that Alan might be ‘the one’, and was eagerly awaiting their next date at a sci-fi convention that Alan had mentioned and saw as an opportunity to show off his home-made Red Dwarf costume. However, immediately before the event her hopes were shattered when Alan stopped responding to texts and emails. The reason for his loss of interest in what was only his second recorded date is unclear, though he was observed to comment in an online Terry Pratchett forum that ‘her tits weren’t big enough.’