Labour has announced today that former SAS soldier and successful novelist Andy McNab is to replace Ed Miliband as Leader in a desperate bid for the party to have a more recognisable figurehead. The decision was taken after a meeting of the Shadow Cabinet and reporters at the scene were unsure whether Ed Miliband was present.
Deputy Leader Harriet Harman revealed that the party had little option but to recruit a known face for the top job after a survey found that 64% of Labour members were unable to identify their chief from a selection of photos showing the leaders of the three main political parties. As Ms Harman emphasised, ‘many were unable to pick him out even though by a process of elimination they should have been able to rule out Cameron and Clegg and be left with Ed.’
Shadow Home Secretary Ed Balls continued, ‘How are the electorate supposed to identify with Ed Miliband when none of them knows what he looks like? That’s why Andy McNab with his instantly familiar silhouette was the obvious replacement. For sure, some of his policies are a little rough around the edges but he’s been in a few battles over the years so he should be able to deal with the horrific war zone that is the Labour Party.’
Andy McNab was not Labour’s first choice for the role, but The Stig from Top Gear was unable to commit full time to the role and in any case was suspected of preferring to steer to the right.