MoD unveils Falklands ‘retirement villas’
The MoD today announced plans for a huge, heavily fortified timeshare facility, overlooking the beaches and minefields of the popular Falkland Islands. The islands have never been so sought-after, and the British military are keen to promote its facilities to retiring members of the armed forces.
“The new facilities are bound to be popular, the owners will be able to look straight out to sea. In fact, the lease agreement makes it compulsory, for a minimum of 4 hours a day”, explained Vice-Admiral Daley. “If they do spot anything suspicious, they should ring this siren.”
The resort features some sheltered housing, for the more infirm retirees. “It’s some of the most sheltered accommodation we’ve ever built: up to 8 foot thick in places. A warden is on-hand at all times, to assist with household tasks, shopping or ship identification. And they all feature security doors and windows, that can resist attack for up to 3 days”.
There are sports to keep the residents active, from small-bore pistol shooting to large-bore anti-aircraft drilling. “Games consoles such as the Wii are well-known for keeping the elderly sharp. They really love playing Tour of Duty and Medal of Honor”. The site features low-level bird tables to feed the penguins, a golf course with plenty of bunkers and pedalos are available for hire, with very low radar signatures.
Admiral Daley is hoping to encourage retired servicemen from other friendly nations. “we’re building some ‘flat top’ ferries jointly with the French, but it’s a little problematic. The British contingent complain about the food, and the French keep surrendering to oil rigs.”
19th June 2011Click to send this story to a friend
Posted: Jun 19th, 2011 by waylandsmithy
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