A 23-stone hurdler has today retired from athletics after conceding that a belief in God was no substitute for training and talent.
‘I’m maybe not the ideal shape for the sport,’ admitted Dave Barnard, ‘but I assumed that with God on my side I’d leap and glide over the barriers like a salmon.’ In almost every race he ran that was not the case.
‘What with praying eight hours a day, I didn’t really have the time to train. And there was the eating. Athletes need to take on board a lot of calories.’
Dave became a popular figure at the track where he was often spotted knelt in prayer while the other athletes stretched and paced in preparation for their races.
The vicar at Dave’s church said that ‘while God had tried his best, he’s not a miracle worker.’