The 25 worst-performing primary schools are to be redesignated as zoos, according to Michael Gove, the Education Secretary. The schools will be used to both protect endangered feral children, and to provide entertainment to the British public.
Posted: Jun 18th, 2011
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The entire IT sector has been thrown into crisis after Irene Elcombe, a pensioner from East Cowes on the Isle of Wight, expressed her distinct indifference at over 40 years of exponential technological innovation.
Posted: Jun 17th, 2011
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Apple is preparing to enter the UK sofa market with an ambitious bid to acquire DFS.
‘It makes complete sense,’ says market analyst Rodney Wiles. ‘Steve Jobs has long been an admirer of DFS cool and he likes to relax with Jonathan Ive on a DFS 3 seater double manual recliner in brown leather.’
Posted: Jun 17th, 2011
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David Cameron has confirmed that the government’s NHS bill will have its life ended by politician-assisted suicide. ‘We tried everything to save it,’ said Mr Cameron, ‘but the condition is terminal. We have therefore decided that the time has come to put it out of its misery.’
Posted: Jun 16th, 2011
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Labour has announced today that former SAS soldier and successful novelist Andy McNab is to replace Ed Miliband as Leader in a desperate bid for the party to have a more recognisable figurehead.
Posted: Jun 16th, 2011
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