Hundreds commit suicide after watching uplifting episode of Eastenders

The BBC has apologised after hundreds of viewers ended their lives after sitting through an ‘unendurably uplifting’ episode of flagship soap, Eastenders.

‘The programme featured disturbing scenes of family unity and gratuitous and offensive contentment,’ said one critic. ‘Where were the show’s usual staples of incest, murder, rape, AIDS and cot death? Some of the characters even smiled – it was horrible.’

Eastenders has long been considered one of the finest studies into human suffering, but the show’s writers were urged to abandon their normal ‘grey-sky thinking’.

But Ian Hart, now a widower, spoke out against the programme which led to his wife killing herself. ‘Eastenders had always been a huge comfort to Eileen. No matter how low she felt she’d always perk up after watching the untold misery that affected everyone in Walford.’

Director-General Mark Thompson has apologised to viewers and promised an immediate return to life-affirming plotlines of paedophilia and miscarriage.

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Posted: Jul 1st, 2011 by

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