Following an auditor’s report that the Ministry of Defence lost track of assets worth £6.3bn, embarrassed officials confirmed last night that the department had also managed to mislay a small war it was conducting.
‘We believe the conflict involved up to about 2,000 British personnel and was probably taking place overseas,’ said Defence Secretary Liam Fox. ‘Initial search efforts have been focused on warm countries with healthy oil supplies, and we’re listening closely for the sound of artillery fire in case that gives us a clue.’
Frantic officials are understood to be contacting terrorist organisations and rogue states to enquire whether they are fighting any of our troops at present and, if so, whether they could pass on a message asking them to phone Whitehall urgently.
The MoD is also understood to having trouble finding its latest stealth submarine.
FraserWords (hat-tip to Al O’Pecia)