American evangelist Harold Camping has confirmed that his earlier prophecy of the end of the world, which was due to fall on 21 May this year, was in fact intended to refer to the end of the News of the World.
‘By the Lord’s grace, I am proved right,’ a jubilant Reverend Camping told a rally of his followers today. ‘If people had only listened closely they’d have realised that I was actually saying ‘The end of the News of the World is nigh’. I was never talking about the end of the world – that would have been crazy tabloid talk.’
Camping said he knew his prediction was finally coming true when the traditional harbingers of the end of the News of the World appeared. ‘Journalists fleeing to the hills around Wapping, The Sun fading in the sky, the departure from the land of the Beast with Two Backs, the death and destruction of reputations – it’s all there in the Bible.’
Members of Reverend Camping’s congregation said they were ‘uplifted and inspired’ by the fulfilment of the prophecy. ‘I always knew this day would come,’ said 42-year-old Randall Philbert from Nebraska. ‘Mainly because I’ve been monitoring Reverend Camping’s phone messages for the past ten years.’
Having revised the date of his earlier prophecy from May to October, Camping admitted to surprise that the end of the News of the World was happening this weekend. ‘Jesus came to me in a vision to say it would be this Sunday. At least I think it was Jesus – it was a nice young man who said his father was the most powerful being the world had ever known. So actually maybe it was James Murdoch.’
The Paper Ostrich (hat-tip to SuburbanDad)