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‘Busty Mayoress Pamela Snips Wet Nurses’ Ribbon’ reports Shanklin Argus’s newly-recruited reporter

waking the deadA crowd of bikini-clad nurses cheered as buxom Mayoress Pamela Outhwaite, 43, strode up on a makeshift platform and performed a public opening act with her official, rate-payer funded scissors on a length of pink lacy ribbon, formally opening the heated swimming pool at the Shanklin Hospital Nurses Social Club, writes our new community reporter who has just joined the Argus from a top national newspaper.

Nurse Amanda Carstairs, 19 and wearing an all-in-one stretch fit costume that left little to the imagination, told our reporter ‘We’ve been gagging for this for years, and now it’s here I just couldn’t wait to get stripped off and jump in with the girls’.

Just a few yards away in the hospital ward sick patients, many of them World War Two heroes, lay in bed unable to move, forced to listen to the sounds of the nurses cavorting in the £20 million wave machine. Relatives of Ethel Mulhooney, 78, assured us she would have slammed the organisers of the insensitive frolic when she woke up from her anaesthetic, if only she hadn’t been waiting more than four months for her hip replacement.

Back in the Nurses’ Social Club things were getting steamy as the girls took it in turns to launch themselves from the springy diving board into the waiting throng below, and propelled themselves up and down the pool with flailing arms and legs in what they termed ‘doing lengths’. When invited to ‘come and join us’- a clear invitation to strip and participate in the riotous party – our reporter made his excuses and left.

Staff at the council offices were unavailable to comment last night, but Pamela had clearly worked up an appetite, shamelessly calling her unsuspecting husband from her state-funded mobile phone and saying with apparent innocence “Don’t worry if you don’t get this, but I’ll pick up a Chinese on my way home. Remember Nathan has karate tonight.’

Ironduke

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Posted: Jul 11th, 2011 by Guest

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