Jeremy Hunt unsure whether to swap cow for magic beans
Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt is seeking advice from OfSprout on whether he should allow a cash cow to be traded for some magic beans. Hunt had been promised a golden goose if he allowed the deal to go ahead, but recent revelations about a Sky Giant have raised fears that rapid growth could damage the media landscape.
‘I’ve had reassurances that these beans are definitely magical’, explained Hunt. ‘Apparently, they produce a hardy perennial that grows out of control, completely obstructing our view of the world. Although this is a non-indigenous import from Australia, it thrives on British raked muck. I’m sure it won’t harm our native BBC, and people at least have the choice whether to feed this species or not.’
Media experts have warned that the plant is highly invasive, and can quickly take over football fields, cricket pitches and episodes of the Simpsons. ‘We’ve even seen some roots sticking through a couple of F1 circuits, but we don’t think they’ll take hold for a season or two yet.’
An initial stalk has already been climbed by Hunt, where he met the Sky Giant for discussions, and to see his huge bags of gold coins that shone in the Sun headlines. But he also met a red-haired harpy that played itself so well, the Giant was enchanted and would never let it go.
Latest reports suggest the Giant is already descending the stalk, to force Hunt to approve the deal. Hunt thinks he can persuade the Giant to go back up the stalk and concentrate on the Sky, but others wonder if a different outcome is possible. A lumberjack known only as ‘The Guardian’ thinks the whole thing could be brought down with a bit of hacking.
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Posted: Jul 12th, 2011 by waylandsmithy
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