David Cameron’s exhaustive vetting of the remaining serving Metropolitan Police officers to find a suitable replacement Commissioner has led to the surprise appointment of prospective Junior Cadet Frankie Cruz Johnson to the post.
In an interview for the Telegraph, while getting changed for PE, Frankie said his priorities upon taking up the post would be fighting Zombie attacks on the capital, criminalising sprouts and to be ‘tough on school bullying, tough on the causes of school bullying. End of.’
He also said he would be initiating a Police Commission Review into corner shop policing, especially around Mr Hammed’s Newsagent and Sweet Shop on Beresford Street, where he and his friends were moved on by a community constable last month.
Janet Delaney, Frankie’s teacher at Greensleeves Primary in Walthamstow, said she thought Frankie would make an excellent Commissioner. ‘He’s a popular lad in class, especially now he’s stopped wetting himself when he gets excited. At least I think he has.’
Frankie’s father Frank ‘Gripper’ Johnson said that despite his son joining the Old Bill, he was very proud of him. ‘Gripper did however think that the other lads on D Wing would ‘give him some ribbing later.’
Mr Johson has asked that it be made clear he definitely said ‘ribbing.’