‘We’ve had a call from the Vatican,’ Chief Meteorologist Terry Parfitt confirmed, ‘and the cause of the shit weather has been linked to a computer blunder at God’s end.’
A spokesman from Rome took up the story. ‘The Supreme Deity was installing summer when it got stuck at 56% and hung. He had been warned to ‘close all running applications’ but He thought it’d be okay leaving Facebook open. After He pressed ctrl-alt-delete several times to no avail, a box popped up asking if He wanted to send an error report.
‘Who the fuck to?’ He thundered, before He turned it off at the wall. A footnote from the Almighty reads: ‘might have caused an earthquake or two when I smacked the keyboard in temper. My bad.’
It’s believed the last time God made a backup was around March. ‘Which leaves us pretty much fucked up for the year’, concluded Mr Parfitt, before adding, ‘wrap up well, stay indoors and hope He doesn’t have a sticky spacebar.’