‘Bonsai Babies’ – this year’s must-have accessory for the boozy teen smoker

‘Bonsai babies’ that will fit in the palm of your hand until they are 3 or 4 years old have become the latest designer craze to create a buzz amongst the nation’s teenagers. Schoolgirls up and down the country have found out all they need to do to have their very own perfectly stunted and incredibly cute mini-baby is to follow a simple regimen of excessive smoking and drinking until late in their pregnancy; habits many are already pursuing with vigour.

The new trend, which started life in the US with women who wanted less painful births, has been slammed by healthcare professionals and parents’ groups alike. But young girls including Holly Piggott,19 from Waltham Abbey in Essex, couldn’t wait to engineer their very own handbag-sized cherub. ‘It all started with those teacup piglets. I mean – cute, or what? And once I’d seen photos of those gorgeous little babies on the internet I knew I wanted my own teeny tot. I even took up smoking to make absolutely sure my foetus struggled to get the nutrients necessary to develop normally. I was already drinking heavily and didn’t see why I should stop at any point during my pregnancy, and after being told it would help miniaturise my unborn child I obviously increased my intake.’

Holly continues, ‘I’d never been much of a science fan, but me and the baby’s father Daryl – at least I think he’s the father – read a few papers in Nature that suggested it was almost guaranteed to get us the result we wanted. So now I’m really glad we attended that seminar at the hospital.’

Teenage parents have found there are other unexpected benefits of the ‘bonsai baby’ epidemic. As Holly revealed, ‘It saves you money as the little ones fit into VAT-exempt clothing well into their twenties.’

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Posted: Jul 22nd, 2011 by

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