Officials at Buckingham Palace are remaining tight-lipped following the Queen’s visit to a newly opened chemical engineering plant in the West Midlands today. Staff at Prentice Chemicals in Dudley were shocked when Her Majesty, on being asked whether she had enjoyed her visit, replied, ‘Not really, it was shit.’ Before going on to add, ‘I won’t be getting those two hours back will I?’
The Queen had already stifled a yawn during the Chief Executive’s opening speech of welcome when she leaned across to Prince Phillip and said, ‘Christ, this guy goes on a bit.’
And later, during an explanation of the polymerisation process, she was clearly seen to mouth the word ‘cock’ three times.
However rumours remain unfounded that her Yuletide address to the nation had to be re-recorded after she had originally wished her loyal subjects across the Commonwealth, a ‘merry fucking Christmas.’