A man hospitalised after a ‘horrific and sustained attack’ at his place of work was a serial caps lock user, it has been revealed.
It is understood that human resources manager Steve Tillsley, 29, had been sending every single email and memorandum to his colleagues in capital letters. ‘We are currently working on the basis that one or more of them eventually snapped,’ said a police spokesman. ‘Quite understandably.’
One of Mr Tillsley’s colleagues has commented, ‘it was like being shouted at incessantly by an incoherent mentalist. We tried to stop him – we even removed the Caps Lock key from his keyboard while he was at lunch, but he just stuck down the ‘Shift’ key.’
Mr Tillsley is unfortunately still too weak to speak, but was able to release the following written statement: ‘ONCE I@D STUCK THE SHIFT KEY DOWN< I KNEW IT WAS AN ADDICTION> NONE OF MY PUNCTUATION EVEN MADE SENSE ANY MORE BUT I DIDN@T CARE> I EVEN STARTED COMMENTING ON YOUTUBE VIDEOS< CALLING PEOPLE NAZIS AND GAYBOYS AND MUCH MUCH WORSE> I THINK I EVEN INSULTED PRINCESS DIANA AT ONE POINT> PLEASE REMOVE THIS KEYBOARD FROM MY BOTTOM>‘
Le Creuset Fiend