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John Barrowman quietens down following successful ear-wax op

noisy buggerScottish-American singer, actor, dancer, musical theatre performer and media personality John Barrowman is recovering from an emergency operation to remove 2 kilograms of earwax, to aid his hearing and stop him being quite so noisy.

The breakthrough operation was conducted by Harley Street Ear, Nose and Throat specialist, Mr Finbarr White after a lot of avid BBC viewers complained that his voice seemed to be getting louder and louder, and the feeling that if it wasn’t treated promptly the safety of the public could be at risk.

Several audience members of the Saturday Night entertainment show, Tonight’s the Night, had complained of nausea and intense migraine headaches after sitting through just ten minutes of the live recording, and some confirmed they were seeking legal advice after realising their ears may well have bled.

Eighty two year old, Mrs Daphne Wilson from Hull who attended the show with her sister and daughter said, ‘It started off fine with a big show number when John came out in a beautiful sequinned suit and sang his socks off. But then after his dancers minced back into the wings his voice went up to about 110 decibels for the big finale. I was genuinely afraid for my cochleas.’

The show’s producers received a string of complaints and verbal threats and suggested that the Scottish-American singer, actor, dancer, musical theatre performer and media personality really should pay a visit to a qualified specialist and sort the problem out, for the sake of his fans.

A spokesman for the show said; ”Tonight’s the Night’ is about making people’s dreams come true and giving them the surprise of their life. It worked on the latter level but unfortunately the surprise was that hearing anything at all afterwards was extremely difficult. We understand that John’s operation has been a success and that his decibel levels have now been adjusted. I just hope enough of his fans are still able to tune in without subtitles and keep this great show alive.’

Mr Barrowman was unavailable for comment and said to be ‘resting’. However, in response to the concerns of his adoring fans he tweeted; ‘Things look swell, things look great! Gonna have the whole world on a plate! Starting here starting now!’. He then twouted; ‘EVERYTHING’S COMING UP ROSES!’

Lucien Kenwright, another fan of the Scottish-American singer, actor, dancer, musical theatre performer and media personality said, ‘It was terrible, and thank God it’s over. I drive chain saws for a living and even at full blast I was quieter than him on Saturday evening at prime time. I was so afraid that my ears might start to bleed that I stood up and left and that’s when he gave me a really withering look. I suddenly saw the other side of him.’

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Posted: Jul 29th, 2011 by Dick Everyman

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