Old rockers ‘sitting pretty’ as they pile on haemorrhoid cream bandwagon

At a one-off gig in Oxford Street’s Boots pharmacy, perennial rockers Aerosmith announced the release of an eponymous first haemorrhoid cream. The product, tag-lined ‘Sittin’ on the Edge’, is the band’s first foray into the lucrative world of non-prescription endorsements.

Lead singer Steve Tyler explained why they were so keen to burst onto the scene: ‘With pop sensations releasing perfumes, we thought it was about time we came up with a unique smell that reflected our music. Unfortunately, that smell turned out to be a blend of cabbage soup and Ralgex – so we decided to endorse a different pharmaceutical product that would benefitall ageing soft-rockers who ‘Walk This Way’. ’

Aerosmith don’t have this market all to themselves, however. Van Halen have already announced a rival ointment called ‘Grapes of Roth’, and the Guns n’ Roses offering, labelled ‘Don’t Cry’, features a replica Colt 45 applicator. However, all three bands need a ‘big push’ to catch the market leader, U2′s ‘Unforgettable Fire’. Pharmacy experts think it’s an uphill task. An industry insider explained: ‘Seeing Bono’s face on the tube makes people instantly think of irksome arseholes. ’

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