NewsBiscuit

The news before it happens…

Archive for July, 2011

Piers Morgan to make ‘informal’ morale-boosting Afghan tour

Piers Morgan is to make a tour of the most dangerous areas of Afghanistan at the invitation of the British armed forces, which they hope could prove ‘a major boost for morale.’

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Posted: Jul 19th, 2011
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Cameron to give Satan ‘second chance’ as No.10 press secretary

important to have connections‘Satan has given me assurances that he did not know about any illegal practices in hell and has never been involved in criminality,’ said Cameron. ‘Earlier allegations may have tarnished his reputation, but I believe everyone deserves a second chance.’

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Posted: Jul 18th, 2011
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Dolly Parton to release ‘Nine to Three’ in support of struggling teachers

The single, a re-working of her 1981 classic ‘Nine to Five’, is to be released this week to coincide with the end of the summer term.

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Posted: Jul 18th, 2011
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American man follows his dream; ends up in swimming pool of kittens

As a proud American, New Jersey student Jim Gartner was determined to follow his dream. And last night, his perseverance paid off as he spent a seeming infinity on top of a series of skyscrapers before falling, falling, falling, finally ending up in a swimming pool full of kittens.

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Posted: Jul 18th, 2011
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Angry mob of MPs at police station, bangs on the roof of redhead’s prison van

Though many of the protesters are former associates of one-time Sun editor Rebekah Brooks, with some even being convicted expense fiddlers and dodgy document forgers themselves, the shamed redhead’s crimes have provoked fury even among the MP community.

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Posted: Jul 17th, 2011
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