Tesco has revealed plans to improve its highly popular ‘Finest’ range by the addition of extra words. This, it said, will enable aspirational customers to separate themselves from the mass of consumers.
Posted: Jul 17th, 2011
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Compilers of the Oxford English Dictionary have declared that everyone and everything must be defined as gay from now on. According to editor-in-chief Dr Mark Boyle, a team of linguistic experts from universities up and down Britain had studied every field of modern life and failed to find anything that is not gay.
Posted: Jul 16th, 2011
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Public health charities are up in arms following Domino’s launch of the ‘pizza smoothie’. The drink, which consists of three slices of pizza blended with ice-cream and a banana, is being touted as a ‘healthy breakfast’ by the firm. But some scientists claim that at 4,500 calories, it’s a liquid heart attack.
Posted: Jul 16th, 2011
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‘It is totally inconceivable that I could have known anything about my resignation,’ said Ms Brooks. ‘Clearly I cannot be held responsible for any decision to resign because when I made it I was only in charge, and anyway I was probably on holiday at the time.’
Robin Parker, 52, of Lewisham, was today awarded a fucking medal or something for turning up to work on time for the tenth day running.
Posted: Jul 15th, 2011
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