In conjunction with the Met police, the Meteorological Office are set to launch the first forecasts for riot conditions throughout the UK to meet public demand. Experts have been working around the clock to provide predictions of aggro by adapting computer models to analyse social networking feeds and the winds whipped up by huge firestorms.
Despite the advanced technology a spokesman stressed that trying to pinpoint the precise electrical retailer that a mob of hooded youths will attempt to break into, then raze to the ground is far from being an exact science.
The UK’s first full-scale riotcast is set to be broadcast this evening. Senior forecaster, Rob McElwee, gave a hint of today’s forecast: ‘We are expecting similar conditions to those experienced last night with some light to moderate rioting spreading up from the Midlands, expected to reach northern areas around tea-time. The south should remain relatively free from anarchy. In summary, not at all bad for this time of year.’
Gary Stanton (hat tip to Al OPecia)