Prince Charles embracing gentle transition from organic farmer to casual racist
As the world media swarms around the blossoming William and Kate, Prince Charles is slowly growing into his new role in the Royal Family. Following Prince Philip’s recently-announced retirement from active hole-digging duties, Charles is preparing himself for a move from concerned organic farmer to Racist Elder. He is said to be relishing the challenge of producing a sustainable crop of howlers.
Charles sold his farm to Waitrose last year, so he could spend more time with his family expectations. The farm, known as ‘Cornwall’, was taking up a lot of his time, and didn’t offer much opportunity for bigotry aside from shooting at caravans.
Charles is currently at the stage of ‘disgruntled gardener’ as he slowly develops more deep-rooted prejudices. There have been some unexpected costs: £30,000 was spent shipping in Tory Ministers, so he could demand the demolition of ugly, neighbouring sheds. The Prince spends £50,000 a year controlling Hewitt Blight on his youngest sappling, and £150 has been spent posting wasps to Tony Blair.
Royal aides are sure the prince will soon be ready for the next step towards his destiny. As Royal Abusive Knight of the Order of the Window Box, the prince will practice gently waving in the breeze from a sunny balcony, while belittling strangers below. Once he establishes himself, he’ll be re-potted into a fully bigoted position.
Charles is showing some promise: he has demanded that French beans are washed properly, and asked some Swiss Chard for a cuckoo clock and pointy chocolate. But crucially, Charles missed an open door when presented with a punnet of German bean sprouts.
Prince Philip fears that his son lacks bite, and is insisting on a crash course in stereotyping foreign dignitaries. But he is optimistic: ‘we’ll soon have jug-ears up to the standards that Stamp-face demands, then he can take up the reins. He ought to be good with those: have you seen his wife?’Click to send this story to a friend
Posted: Aug 14th, 2011 by waylandsmithy
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