An inter-faith committee last night declared that the new autumn/winter 2011 Argos catalogue is now regarded by religious groups to be the root of all the evils of the modern world.
‘It’s positively jam-packed with low-priced household and electronics goods,’ said Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams, spokesperson for the group. ‘Its glossy pages have been designed to deliberately entice the poor and weak-willed amongst us to take part in a mindless orgy of consumerism. And it actively promotes the sin of sloth through its convenient Check and Reserve service.’
Independent research confirmed that the catalogue has now found its way into more than two-thirds of British homes; a stronger presence than any holy book or religious text. ‘Children who struggle to memorize facts at school, and even those who can barely read can tell you which page the Nintendo 3DS games are on,’ said Dr Williams.
‘And did I mention that over 10,000 prices have been either frozen or lowered in this edition?’ he continued. ‘In the time of rising costs all around us this is surely the dark magic of Satan himself at work?’