In a move which has been long awaited and much speculated upon, Steve Jobs finally announced yesterday that the latest innovation from global computer giant Apple will be an all-new reinvention of Steve Jobs. Asking his audience at a hastily convened MacWorld at the Cedars Sinai clinic to stop a moment and think about what they wanted from their favourite must-have hi-end technology provider, Jobs stretched his arm out towards Apple’s latest must-have, and confidently announced; ‘Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is it!’
A dazzlingly innovative performance then followed in which the highly regarded guru of IT gave the low down on the radical new Apple Corps Chief Executive hardware which the company is calling simply Tim Cook, leaving technology journalists at a loss for words. Added Jobs; ‘With the speed of innovation in this industry I recognise I’m now obsolete. I give you the ‘iButNotMe’.
The new Jobs will function on Apple’s CEOS X operating system – or Leotard, to reflect the fact that for years now Apple’s CEO hasn’t just been wearing a polo neck jumper that’s been tucked in. New improvements over the previous system, Jobs announced, include shinier belt wearing capacity and better functional infrastructure which will at least allow the incoming CEO to pee.
Despite the upbeat tone of the announcement, dealers on the world markets used trading software on their iPhones to bring down shares in Apple by 5% before effortlessly checking out the nearest quality restaurant and arranging a no-strings-attached massage downtown at around ten thirty, where they could talk about stuff their wives wouldn’t understand.
But confidence is key to Apple’s success and a new iPhone app has been released which will help the company’s fans come to terms with the momentous changes ahead. Pushing the ‘Jobs, what Jobs?’ icon on your handset will instantly bring up soothing images of the man himself lovingly stroking endangered species and nostalgically assuring you the world is a better place if you think grammatically incorrect.
The new CEO of Apple has immediately set to work, already trademarking ‘iPid’, ‘iPed’, and ‘iPud’.