Michele Bachmann declares own candidacy a warning from God

most Republicans think they'd be voting for Batman

Following controversial remarks that the recent earthquake and storm on America’s east coast were a sign of God’s wrath, Michele Bachmann today added to her portents of doom by declaring that her own candidacy for the Republican presidential ticket in 2012 is the surest sign yet that the end times must be near.

‘I don’t think there’s a weatherman in America who doubts that Hurricane Irene was a meteorological message from God that we need to rein in government spending and slash the deficit now,’ said Bachmann today. ‘But I can’t help feeling that the Almighty is also trying to tell us something else, something more fundamental about the fall of America, by calling on me, Michele Bachmann, to run for the position of leader of the world’s most influential country.’

Although Bachmann has previously riled Democrats with her staunchly pro-life views and denial of climate change, her latest pronouncement on the manifestation of God’s will has struck a chord with her opponents.

‘Maybe we were too quick to judge her when she claimed that The Lion King soundtrack was recruiting children to homosexuality,’ said Nancy Pelosi, former Democrat Speaker. ‘And maybe putting her face on condoms to promote abstinence really was the right thing to do. But there’s no doubting she’s really hit the nail on the head this time.’

‘Imagine it – perhaps the conservatives have been right all along,’ continued Pelosi. ‘Maybe Glenn Beck is God’s punishment for America promoting same-sex marriage. I bet it’s all there in the Book of Revelations – the first harbinger of the apocalypse being the Presidency of Michele Bachmann. Either way, if she gets into the White House, He’s definitely going to be a one-term deity.’

Textbook (hat-tip to Thisisalloneword)

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Posted: Aug 31st, 2011 by

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