‘The 300-million-metres-per-second speed limit was introduced at the beginning of the universe and is clearly now out of date,’ he said. ‘What we would be doing is bringing a number of neutrinos which routinely flout the limit back on the right side of the laws of relativity.’
Posted: Sep 30th, 2011
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Coming only days after Carlos Tevez’s refusal to warm up as a possible late substitute in the Champions’ League, it undermines the embattled Manchester City manager’s authority yet further, just at a time when he needed to show who was boss.
Posted: Sep 30th, 2011
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“It was a mistake while they were here on a team-building exercise. As it turns out, they were already on a collision course, we just had to speed them up a little.”
Posted: Sep 30th, 2011
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A father from Solihull has encountered a barrage of criticism after his long-suffering wife revealed that ‘chasing the children up the stairs on all fours going ‘Raarrr!!!’ every evening’ was his sole contribution to their upbringing. The nightly routine – which Dan Hurrell, 37, described as, ‘Just a bit of fun, that’s all’ – has, after six years, finally driven his wife, Debbie, to breaking point.
Posted: Sep 29th, 2011
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“This is the final straw, a stab in the back and the death knell for the community,” sobbed one villager on hearing the news. “We’ve tried to compromise and have it converted to a trendy wine bar, but no dice.”
Posted: Sep 29th, 2011
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