NewsBiscuit

The news before it happens…

Archive for September, 2011

Ministers to consider raising the speed of light

‘The 300-million-metres-per-second speed limit was introduced at the beginning of the universe and is clearly now out of date,’ he said. ‘What we would be doing is bringing a number of neutrinos which routinely flout the limit back on the right side of the laws of relativity.’

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Posted: Sep 30th, 2011
More from Science/Technology



Mancini’s dog refuses to fetch squeaky ball

Coming only days after Carlos Tevez’s refusal to warm up as a possible late substitute in the Champions’ League, it undermines the embattled Manchester City manager’s authority yet further, just at a time when he needed to show who was boss.

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Posted: Sep 30th, 2011
More from News In Brief



Scientists discover ‘anti-policy’ particles by smashing Milibands together

“It was a mistake while they were here on a team-building exercise. As it turns out, they were already on a collision course, we just had to speed them up a little.”

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Posted: Sep 30th, 2011
More from News In Brief



Man mistakes chasing his children up the stairs shouting ‘Raarrr!!!’ for parenting

'dads get tired too'A father from Solihull has encountered a barrage of criticism after his long-suffering wife revealed that ‘chasing the children up the stairs on all fours going ‘Raarrr!!!’ every evening’ was his sole contribution to their upbringing. The nightly routine – which Dan Hurrell, 37, described as, ‘Just a bit of fun, that’s all’ – has, after six years, finally driven his wife, Debbie, to breaking point.

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Posted: Sep 29th, 2011
More from Lifestyle



Village fights to lose its Barclays

“This is the final straw, a stab in the back and the death knell for the community,” sobbed one villager on hearing the news. “We’ve tried to compromise and have it converted to a trendy wine bar, but no dice.”

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Posted: Sep 29th, 2011
More from News In Brief