Research into the working patterns of the world’s leading tyrants has revealed that eight out of 10 of them make their own lunches at home and bring them into the office each day, rather than popping out to Pret A Manger , Tesco Express or Sainsbury’s Local to pick something up on their break.
‘Even in his final days Hitler was well known for arriving for work at the Führerbunker carrying a cheese and pickle sandwich in a paper bag,’ said historian David Starkey. ‘Of course he only ate white bread, and for a while in 1938 he developed quite a taste for Müller Fruit Corner yoghurts. He liked to refer to the pot of pure white yoghurt as the Third Reich and the fruit corner as Austria, and always took great pleasure in tipping, or ‘annexing’, Austria into the main pot.’
Historians argue that not only does preparing a homemade lunch allow dictators to eat at their desk and get as much totalitarianism done each day as possible, but it also saves them money.
The research has revealed that Mussolini used to end each evening by packing himself a bag of Wotsits, a Penguin and a refreshing carton of Capri Sun for the next day’s lunch, while Robert Mugabe is never seen ordering illegal beatings and detention without a homemade tuna and sweetcorn bap wrapped in cling film sitting neatly on the corner of his desk. North Korean premier Kim Jong-il is believed to be particularly partial to Dairylea Dunkers.
‘Psychologists have long suspected that those workers who bring their own sandwiches to work are more likely to exhibit tyrannical tendencies, dabble in race supremacy theories and aspire to create a cult following among their colleagues. We also think it’s significant that many of them wear short-sleeve shirts.’
Historians are now moving on to examine the relationship between office décor and dictatorial regimes, including whether any importance should be attached to the popular Nazi office slogan, ‘You don’t have to be Aryan to work here, but it helps’.