Prime Minister David Cameron has admitted that a large bundle of dirty laundry, discovered last week in the wash house of Colonel Gaddafi’s compound in Tripoli, ‘almost certainly’ belongs to Great Britain.
‘I can confirm that the laundry is definitely British made,’ he told journalists at a specially held press conference. ‘It consists of mainly T-shirts and tracksuit trousers, with socks and the occasional pair of Union Jack underpants. Oh, and some orange overalls labelled ‘stubborn stains – wash and waterboard’ – no doubt some kind of laundry terminology that we are completely unaware of.’
The dirty laundry was discovered after rebel freedom fighters breached the defences of the infamous Bab al-Aziziya compound and defeated a last stand by pro-Gaddafi forces at the Saif al-Islam Laundromat near the centre of the complex. Among the items liberated were several sacks clothing stamped ‘property of MI6’, which found their way into the hands of human rights campaigners – the only organisation capable of sustaining decent whites during those chaotic few days.
According to pressure group Human Rights Watch, Britain was one of several countries that sub-contracted its international washing to Libya post 9/11. ‘We have discovered evidence that links the Gaddafi regime with the dirty laundry of several western countries,’ said a spokesman. ‘From a consignment of grubby Italian Speedos to a warehouse full of oversize American jumpsuits, for years Gaddafi’s men have been dealing with those tricky messes that just won’t go away, despite, or perhaps because of, the so-called ‘wishy-washy’ human rights legislation enjoyed by the civilised world.’
David Cameron has promised a full inquiry about how the washing was found in Tripoli, while guaranteeing full transparency. ‘The fact that the last Labour government allowed this monstrous dictator to run his hands through our unmentionables is inexcusable. I hereby pledge that Britain’s dirty laundry will get a full public airing; except some of the more delicate material, which will probably have to be renditioned – I mean, conditioned – in a specially-designed laundrette facility just outside Damascus.’