After fears that the hackers who had targeted Scarlett Johansson had gained access to ‘intimate’ photographs stored on her computer, popular performer Cilla Black took legal advice to block the publication of the pictures, only to find that the pornography industry had a long-standing ‘gentleman’s agreement’ against just such a scenario.
Industry spokesman and head of Big Wet Productions, Juan van Schalkwyk, issued a statement saying ‘no one wants to even contemplate the reality of Ms Black’s ugly old growler, let alone witness it. That’s why the Cilla Black Memorandum exists.’
Black insists that while she did not actually want full-frontal nude images of herself ‘flicking her bean’ on the internet, she deeply resents the insinuation that there would be no public interest, and has vowed to release the images on her newly registered www.SurpriseSurprise.xxx domain.
A defiant Ms Black is also thought to be working on a video for the site, threateningly titled ‘Step Inside, Love’.