The controversial cot-fight between Tommy ‘Rusk-crusher’ Jones and Benny ‘Bedwetter’ Benson was eventually stopped in the third round because it was time for the challenger’s afternoon nap. Club owner Barry Hardwick defended the contest, saying ‘No one forces these toddlers to fight – all we do is put one really nice toy in the cot; after that, it’s up to them what they get up to.’
When it was pointed out that Tommy was crying loudly throughout the bout, Mr Hardwick said, ‘Well they do that, don’t they?’ He also defended the lack of gum shields on the grounds that ‘they haven’t got many teeth yet and they’re going to fall out in a few years anyway.’ He also pointed out the extensive padding worn by the youngsters, all be it mainly in the nappy area.
Defenders of the event point to the educational and health benefits of cot fighting. ‘Toddler boxing is a noble and ancient sport and gives the under-twos a regulated outlet for their aggression,’ said Hardwick. ‘If they weren’t knocking each other unconscious these youngsters might be out rioting or mugging or something. Now that can wait until they start nursery school.’
The two toddlers were unavailable for comment, as it was way past their bedtime. However, Benson’s manager told the press, ‘My boy Benny is hoping to grow up and become a cage-fighter by the time he’s four,’ adding, ‘Just as long as no one forces him to marry Jordan. Now that would be cruel.’