Wall’s Ice Cream and Wall’s Sausages combine to launch ‘Lolliporks’
Frozen food producer Wall’s has stunned the chilled treats world by unveiling the ‘Lollipork’, a mouthwatering frozen sausage on a stick.
‘People have less time to cook these days,’ said Wall’s chief developer, Brian Cleat, ‘so what could be more refreshing on a hot day than licking an uncooked frozen sausage? After the first couple you learn to suppress your gag reflex, and a surprisingly high number of people can eat raw pork without life-threatening side effects. Plus it’s less than a third of the price of a Magnum.’
However, the launch of the new product has seen a war of words break out between Wall’s Ice Cream and Wall’s Sausages.
‘We spent years developing the hand-held, multidirectional wooden interface that all our lollies come on,’ said one worker from Wall’s Ice Cream. ‘All the guys in the meat department have done is take that and make a pig’s ear of it. Tests show that compared to the ‘Lollipork’, our range of frozen desserts and treats is far less prone to viruses, salmonella and dry retching.’
But Wall’s Sausages claim the ‘Lollipork’ is nothing new. ‘It wasn’t a big step for us to breathe on the end of a Lincolnshire banger until it melted, and then push a bit of wood up it. It’s just a natural development of the corn dog.’
Until the internal divisions are healed, Wall’s has halted development of it’s latest product, the iScream, calling for a ‘total brain freeze’. Instead the company is said to be focusing on a vegetarian accompaniment to the ‘Lollipork’, the ‘Quornetto’.
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Posted: Sep 25th, 2011 by waylandsmithy
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