Thousands of Britain’s elderly could die this winter through spontaneous combustion brought on by overheating their homes, according to the government.
‘When you’re wearing as much knitwear and tweed as some pensioners, just turning the central heating up a notch too high can easily spell disaster,’ said a spokesman. ‘Their dry, wrinkly skin is like paper – they go up in seconds.’
Tory ministers believe that the overheating of homes every winter by the elderly needs to be tackled. ‘Just because we give people £200 is no excuse to go mad with the heating,’ said one Minister. ‘I’ve been in some of their homes – they’d be better off spending the money on fans.’
The Government has suggested that if an elderly person does spontaneously combust, others should gather round to warm themselves by the fire while it lasts.
roybland (hat-tip to writinginbsl)