Buying Richard Desmond lottery tickets ‘a symptom of mental illness’
Daily Express owner Richard Desmond launches a new lottery today, with strong ticket sales anticipated among the learning impaired and morons.
‘Through my newspapers I’ve had a long history of identifying mental problems among the public,’ he explained. ‘Purchasing one is a definite clue that something isn’t working quite right. My experiment with repeating the same story about a dead princess every week for 14 years was particularly successful.’
The lottery draw will be shown live on channels that are popular amongst the mentally sprained. ‘Channel 5 is a natural choice for us,’ Desmond announced. ‘Big Brother has really boosted the audience figures amongst people too stupid to blink, and they’re just the people we want to help by taking a quid off them.’
But by supporting health charities, Desmond insists he is doing good. ‘20% of our profits goes towards helping exactly the sort of people who gave us 100% of our sales. It’s win-win.’
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Posted: Sep 27th, 2011 by waylandsmithy
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