To increase the nation’s productivity, the government is introducing 24-hour queuing centres which will allow people to do their queuing at a time that suits them.
‘The thing about queuing is that you have to do it when you least want to, and often when you’re in a rush,’ explained a spokesman. ‘Now you’ll be able to visit one of our centres in your spare time, join the nearest queue and build up your supply of queuing minutes. Then simply cash them in the next time there are people ahead of you at the till.’
Although purists have criticised the scheme for taking the fun and unpredictability out of the classic British pastime, the government is convinced it will prove a success. ‘To celebrate the launch we’re giving away free prize draw tickets. You just take one from the machine when you arrive and wait for your number to be called out. We’re calling it the National Loitery.’