“Eric and Ernie often shared a bed without anyone assuming there was something going on,” said Dr Fox, “and it’s exactly the same when Adam and I bunk down for the night. Often I’ll be reading important defence papers, wot I wrote, and he’ll just sit there quietly smoking his pipe.”
BBC political correspondent Mark Sampson said that most people would be satisfied that this is all about accessing political influence and good old-fashioned greed, rather than opposition hints that things might have gone a bit ‘Torchwood’.
In response to the allegations Dr Fox immediately ordered a thorough investigation of himself maintaining there had been no breach of security or the ministerial code and that Mr Werritty is completely trustworthy, before hastily leaving the country. He explained: “If you trust someone enough to let them be your best man, spike your drink, take polaroids of a stripper shaving your bits and then letting them handcuff you to railings in nothing but your pants then surely you can trust them with the plans of a new missile defence system?”
The double-act of cabinet minister and unexplained bloke have been inseparable for many years with Mr Werritty even accompanying the Foxes on their honeymoon where he would pop up with annoying regularity and ask if anyone fancied hiring a jet-ski. The two men also went on other foreign trips together. Mr Werritty said: “It’s just like going on holiday with your bezzie mate, except instead of going somewhere wank like Benidorm, we get to go to Dubai and Sri Lanka. Ok, so during the day it’s all ‘blah blah tomahawk missiles or blah blah cluster bombs’ but at night we just hit the bars and get proper shit-faced.”
Amid further allegations that Mr Werritty also spent many hours in Dr Fox’s office, with the pair playing Killzone 3 on the PS3, drinking beer and watching Judd Apatow movies, the Times also suggests Mr Werritty has been handing out business cards showing the pair ‘goofing around’ in a photo booth, and describing himself as the minister’s go-to-guy. Werritty has denied the cards were improper and as proof produced a string of other cards including one on which he has titled himself, “The Duke of Awesome”.
Meanwhile, senior civil servants have requested copies of all memos and documents relating to meetings between business acquaintances of Mr Werritty and Dr Fox. The Defence Secretary said: “I will of course give them all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order.”
8th October 2011