The European Union today announced that it had given a traditional North Sea burial to its troublesome former member state, the United Kingdom. The move follows political and health concerns about the rotting corpse of the country’s Eurosceptic government being on public display in the House of Commons yesterday.
‘At first we thought it was right to preserve the remains of the Conservative-led government and make them available for public viewing,’ said a smirking Nicolas Sarkozy. ‘However, from the smell it’s now clear the Tories are starting to decay badly. We had contemplated a land burial, but we wouldn’t want the grave becoming a public attraction or pilgrimage site for all kinds of right-wing nutcases. We’ll just tip Britain into the sea instead.’
In a solemn ceremony this morning, EU member states rowed the UK out to sea and tipped it overboard into an unmarked watery grave. ‘The UK can now sleep with the fishes,’ said Sarkozy, ‘but only within areas prescribed by the EU’s Common Fisheries Policy.’