New study adds nothing to the world whatsoever

A new study has discovered a remarkably tenuous link between two factors which were previously thought to be unrelated.

The work, undertaken by a six-man team at a university, used new techniques and innovatively low sample sizes in order to draw dubious conclusions from fundamentally flawed research and is expected to be of no benefit whatsoever to anybody other than desperate science journalists trying to fill empty column inches.

‘We knew what we wanted to find before we started, so the whole thing was set up to be biased from the beginning.’ said the head researcher, adding ‘Naturally, we’re incredibly excited by our findings.’

He continued, ‘By only surveying 18 people, asking them loaded questions, and then taking their answers as fact, we found the vague correlation we were looking for between the two factors in almost half of the cases. It was great; much easier than doing a proper scientific study.’

The whole team are adamant their discovery justifies the three years’ funding they’ve received  and are sure more funding will now be forthcoming for a new five-year study that will hopefully stop them having to get a real job for a while longer.

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Posted: Oct 29th, 2011 by

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