Duchess of Cambridge: ‘Thanks for the rules change, but we probably won’t be having kids’

Strewth, your Dukeship, I bought this hat special for the christening

Commonwealth leaders were said to be ‘disgruntled’ after Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge admitted that she and Prince William ‘aren’t really the parenty type, to be honest.’

In an exclusive interview, the Duchess said she and her husband had other plans for the future of the monarchy. ‘Like, there’s so much of the warld we want to go and see, you know?’ she said. ‘You can’t do that when you’re a parent. Imagine us at a full moon party at Kho Pha Nan with the heir to the throne off his tits on mushrooms and the next in line strapped up in a papoose. That’s so not going to happen, yah.’

The news comes after sixteen Commonwealth realms who each recognise the British sovereign as head of state finally agreed to change the rules of succession to suit the sexy young Duchess and her putative offspring. ‘I worked my arse off haggling with the prime minister of bloody Barbados over this,’ declared the Australian leader Julia Gillard. ‘And now the toffee-nosed sheila’s just thrown it back in our faces. What a flamin’ rip.’

Royal commentators expressed concern at the Royal couple’s lack of interest in proliferation, although one expert remarked that the Queen still has confidence in Prince Harry. ‘Her Majesty is thankful that, the way Harry is at it with foreign waitresses, we’ll have heirs all over the place in a few years.’

Kate made her remarks at the Henley Women’s Institute Gin Festival, where she was also overheard to say: ‘He may well be the heir to the throne, but I think we all know he’s punching above his weight a bit.’


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Posted: Oct 31st, 2011 by

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