The X-Factor USA was plunged into turmoil today with the shock announcement that Paula Abdul’s nose is to leave the show. A spokesman for the show confirmed that the nose had parted company with Paula’s face due to ‘cosmetic differences’.
‘There were other candidates for the judging and mentoring role,’ said Simon Cowell today, ‘but in the end I decided to take a group of body parts that had auditioned independently and throw them together to create a judge. Sadly, though, the many parts of Paula just couldn’t get along. I think it was the age differences that were the problem – the nose was only three years old, whereas some other parts of her face are as old as 49.’
In a statement Paula Abdul’s nose said it had been a lifelong dream to be part of the X-Factor ever since it was just a twinkle in a plastic surgeon’s eye. ‘But as a fan of the show, I had no idea how hard it would be to be constantly in the spotlight – nor how hot. I nearly melted. In the end I had to make the difficult decision to leave my role in Paula’s face. Maybe in a few years I’ll be more mature and ready to have another go, but for now it’s best for everybody if I walk away.’
The surprise departure of the nose has left a huge hole in Ms Abdul’s face. Her remaining body parts have vowed to carry on, but the show’s producers, feeling that something is missing, are now frantically searching for a replacement in time for next week’s show. Candidates to replace the nose are rumoured to include a carrot, a Mars bar, and Jedward.