Astronomers across the world have raised the alarm over what appears to be a high probability of the Earth colliding with an unusual celestial object. NASA spokesman, Dr Sam McFlynn, said today ‘we appear to be heading for an unwelcome appointment with a gigantic poppy. We don’t know where it came from or how it formed – the only clue that we have is that this 400 metre wide object would appear to consist of papier mache made from old copies of the Daily Mail, whatever that is.’
This ‘planet-killer’ type object will cause widespread confusion, re-inforce stereotypes, and may cure or cause cancer. ‘Two things are certain’ continued Dr McFlynn ‘this will definitely cause mass immigation from the affected areas, closely followed by a dip in house prices’.
The most recent calculations suggest that it will make planetfall at Zurich, Switzerland, on November the 11th.